i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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