we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
