we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
