Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
