Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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