My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
