He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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