just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
