Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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