I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
