I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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