i need an iv and a liver transplant
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
