anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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