I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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