A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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