i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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