Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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