i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
