I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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