in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
