Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
