big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize