My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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