Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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