it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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