the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
