He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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