its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
