this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
pray to the hookup gods
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
