My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
