so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize