i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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