When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
