Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
