Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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