Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
