Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
