Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize