so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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