I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
