i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
