I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Randomize
