i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
