you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
