Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
