is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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