Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
