I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
