Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We have started to decorate penises.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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