Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You may now shotgun with the bride
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
