Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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