My sheets look like a crime scene.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
