I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is Oprah even human
you made out with another girl for some wings
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
