I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
