Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
