It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
