Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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