hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
