honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
