You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
