Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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