WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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