I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
