can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
