And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
