You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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