I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
