I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
