I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize