she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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