If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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