i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
