Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
