Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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