I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
