After last night, I could never be a politician.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
