You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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