So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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