And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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