I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
