when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
