sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
