Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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