Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
